For ages we have heard stories of abused people.. mainly Women and Children. Horrid stories about battered women, children with cigarette marks etc. have been publicized by newspapers, news channels and television. Admittedly these are one of the major forms of abuse there are much more subtler and devastating ones.
All through my life I have read about only physical abuse which is visible to naked eye. But a couple of days back I read a book about abuse and discovered the various other ways in which women and children are tortured. The methods were all so subtle that no one would ever think they were being abused.
As i read the book i realized that I have seen this happen in day to day life around me too. And I was very sure that no one ever realized it either. In a country like India where women find it difficult to stand up against visible abuse I am sure that the subtle forms would surely go undiscovered.
So i thought why not tell people about some of the subtle forms so that we can help people who go through it??
Most of the times Women and children are physically abused they at least realize what is happening to them. But they always assume whatever is happening to them is their fault. The abuser makes them feel like they deserve to be punished. Imagine the emotional trauma they must go through!!There are numerous episodes mentioned my the media in which we read about battered women, burnt children. Do they really deserve it? What have the children done? Or even the women?
Now if this was bad then think..
There are people,men and women both, who are possessive and like isolating their lovers from the world. They fight with their lovers over small issues regarding their friends and family. Slowly and steadily they make sure that their lover has no one but them in their life!! This makes the person totally dependent on them for all the attention required by them.. for all the emotional help.
I'll share some of these cases that i have brushed past.. There was this couple i knew who used to hang around with each other all the time. All those who knew them thought they were a couple made in heaven and all that.. But there was something infinitely sad in the eyes of the girl in that relationship. Slowly when we tried to draw her out for movies or something else she always claimed she was busy or meeting her boyfriend or something. Then our casual observing resulted in us stumbling across a major abuse relationship!! We saw that her boyfriend did his best to not let her talk to her friends or make new friends.He never let her follow her passions or hobbies. If she wanted to go out it had to be with him and no one else!! She was trapped in a claustrophobic relation and yet she thought he loved her and she was lucky. No matter what people told her she simply denied that her boyfriend abused her. He used to control her all the time. Everything she did!! And if she tried to do something that he did not like then he would hurt her emotionally by calling her things like "his property", "trash" and worser things!! She was so emotionally distraught and broken.It took us almost a year to get her away from the guy. And even after that she used to have moments when she wanted to go back due to guilt.
There are people who deliberately put their friends,lover or spouse down and make them feel as if they would be nothing if not for their support. This breaks a person morally. I have seen people who are isolated . I have seen how they feel when they are isolated and how they believe that they are in this position because thats what they deserve!! And the worse part is the abused never realize they are being abused.
This kind of abuse breaks a person emotionally and makes them feel like they are nothing. It takes immense courage to leave such a relation and for that they need help. This was just one incident which i have portrayed in a subtle manner. There are so many more which are worser.
Even if we see someone being abused and we try to tell them about it they'll simply enter denial mode. They need help and friends and lot of support. But even that'll help only if they want to help themselves.
Despite all these problems I guess its our duty to try and make the abused realize that they are being treated badly. And give them the support they need. After that it depends on them to be able to break the bond and make the dash to freedom. Even when they do make it to freedom there are times when people feel guilty for leaving.
One can only hope that as time passes people will be able to recognize and help such victims from the life of abuse. And that the abused have the courage to identify, accept and make it to safety.
I have only mentioned about this unseen torture in about 100 words. and I am sure that it does not do adequate justice to the importance of alerting the people about this. But if all u people who read this feel that I am right in saying that this issue needs to be addressed and if u have yourselves seen such victims then please spread the word.
All of u can also read the book written by Danielle Steel called "journey". Its about a successful married couple who look happy to the world. But as the lady joins a group to help abused people she realizes that she is one of the abused. Its a beautiful book which tells us about the painful journey she endures to accept and finally leave her husband for her safety.
This can happen amongst friends, family and spouses too.Amongst people you know. Please try and help all those around you by staying alert, as u never know who might need help.
Kriti
