Lost in Pain

We often walk into people we knew and vaguely remember from our past. People who no longer look the same as we knew them. I was in a similar situation recently...

I saw her walking towards me and i knew it was someone I knew. It was a familiar face for sure. But something very different too.. I smiled at her tentatively while i walked towards her and saw her return a tentative smile in my direction.. But there was something horribly wrong with that.. There was something really wrong with her smiling that way.. I tried to figure out what was disturbing me about her smile and trying to place her in my mind while walking towards her..

Suddenly pieces of memories swept past my mind.. It was that same girl smiling.. Then another memory with her face glowing while she was with her best friends... Then another with her laughing at something.. And then it struck me.. I realized why her smile was all wrong.. It never reached her eyes.. HER EYES...

That was when i saw her eyes carefully.. It horrified me to be staring at two bottomless pools of pain, loss, hurt, want, loneliness and deep need for someone to hold her and tell her everything is fine. She is going to be fine...It was as if i could feel her pain.. It felt like she was calling me to soothe her hurt.. It was like she was making me share her pain so that I can ease it for her.. I wanted to touch her And give her a nice big hug while she cried.. To make her feel wanted.. cared..to just hold her..

It was such a shock to see everything that was not her(the person i knew) in her eyes that tears started flowing down my cheeks.. I looked up to see tears flowing down her face too.. I reached out to touch her face... The minute I did that I felt like i had been slapped across my face..
Even as I reeled from the impact of that shock I realized that all this while the girl I was staring at was me.. I had touched the mirror..

Horrified I stared at the girl who I did not know.. I was staring at myself.. Eyes mirroring intense pain and lots of broken wishes and dreams.. It portrayed a broken and hollow girl with a broken life,broken heart and lots of broken desires and dreams.. And all I wondered was how no one else saw this pain.. Why did no one try to soothe her pain.. Why was no one holding her gently while she let her fears and pain out.. Why no one was making her feel better even if it only meant holding her while she cried??

Maybe because she has camouflaged her pain behind her anger and silence..Maybe because even when she wants to scream and cry she has hid it all behind a facade of silence..
I knew I would never get answers to these questions.. I knew I could do nothing but watch the girl cry in front of me ... I watched her in silence.. All the while tears pouring down my face too.. Waiting for the pain to decrease.. Waiting for the clouds to spread out a bit and bring some sunshine..waiting for someone to tell her she'll be fine..that everything will be fine.. some love..some hope in her life.. In my life.. I wait.. I wait..